First tarot reading: Tale of the Past Employment

Everything I need comes to me 

at the right moment.

所有我需要的東西，

都會適時來到我的身邊。 

 

I took out the rainbow card from my purse and smiled. A month ago when I first left my job, I was walking through the street when I suddenly noticed a tarot shop. I've walked past that street a few times, but that was the first time I noticed the shop. It's like the universe alerted me to it, knowing that I needed assurance.

If I'm being honest, I left my job in a hurry not because I've found a better life purpose or a better paying gig. I walked out of there looking all cool and chill, like I've got everything figured out. In reality, I was running so fast, you might think a tiger was chasing me. I rushed out onto the busy street, tripping along the way with my tail between my legs. You might think I saw a ghost in that workplace if you could see my mental state, under all those calm demeanor.

I'd say, I'm not really one to give up on my first few tries. However, there are times when I encounter things that are far from being my specialty. Even so, if I work hard enough, I might gain that new skill.

It's hard to know to what extent I should persist. I believe that's how it is with most of us. Everything is created for a reason. Kettles are made to boil. Lamps are produced to shine. Taps are attached to control water flow. Humans, however, are born to figure our lives out. What's my purpose? Am I doing the right thing? At some point of our lives, we wondered.

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Asking a person to do something they lack is as good as asking a fish to climb a tree. To put my situation into words, imagine me standing at the edge of the cliff, surrounded by rocks, not knowing what I am.

Am I a bird? If I am, then I could easily flap my wings and soar high into the sky.

Am I a cheetah? If I am, I won't risk my life jumping. I would turn around and run as fast as I could, away from danger.

Or am I a baby bird? I simply have to learn to move my wings. One day, I could still fly.

All of it remained a mystery. It seemed like the only way to find out was by stepping out. In order to survive, I'd flap my limbs as hard as I could. If I could fly, then I'd fly. Worst case scenario, I'd fall and die.

In my previous institution, I believed I was a young eagle. I stood by the cliff everyday, wondering when would be the time I'd finally be flying through the clouds. Everyone taught me by showing me how they flew and telling me how it was to fly. Slowly, 'you can try to fly' turned into 'it's time to fly'. I stood rooted on the spot, occasionally digging the ground, thinking I was actually a chicken. Sometimes the wind blew a little harder. I flapped my wings hard and managed to stay in the air for a few moments before I fell back to the ground.

One day, there came the eagles. They took one look at me and thought, 'why isn't she flying? It's such a shame. Maybe she needs a push.'

Thud! One of them kicked me right in the ass and I went surging out. I panicked. I kicked a few times but there's no ground. I screamed for help and everyone cheered me on from the cliff. "You can do it! Flap your wings. Harder!" Their cheer faded out as I descended lower. I closed my eyes. I thought I was going to die but I didn't want it to end that way. I tried everything I could to stay in the air.

I remembered seeing an eagle flying. I tried to move my wings the way she did but my wings weren't big enough.

I remembered seeing an owl flying. I tried to mimic his movements but I didn't have the right coordination.

I remembered seeing a hummingbird flying. I tried to copy her every gesture but I wasn't graceful enough.

As I was struggling, a dove flew past me. She looked at me with empathy. "I used to struggle too. I'm here with you. You can do it! Flap harder. Feel the wind. Coordinate your movement."

Soon, a typhoon came. It blew us apart. I drifted in the wind aimlessly, still flapping my wings. "I'm going to die," I sighed. "Die! Die! Die!" I heard a voice beside me. I turned to see a parrot flying alongside me. "I'm going to die," he echoed.

I smiled bitterly. "No, you aren't," I said to him. "I'm the one dying," that was my last word as I closed my eyes and accelerated down. "Eagle, if only you could hear me right now, would you choose to help me?" I breathed out as my eyes closed slowly.

Beep! A reset button was pushed. I was back on the cliff. I didn't think twice before I turned and ran, screaming, "I'm a cheetah! I'm a cheetah! I'm a cheetah!"

To be honest, at present time, I still believe that I am a young eagle. It's just that when I was pushed down the cliff, I didn't notice that I hadn't removed my taped wings. That's why I am removing them now. If I don't, I'll need to go through all the screaming as I surrender to gravity once again.

As the message I got from the tarot shop tells me, everything will come at the right time. There shouldn't be any regrets. Self-blame is out of the question as well. The past couldn't be changed but the future could. I'll simply work harder. Only by improving, will I be able to seize it when the time is right.